Okay, so I've been thinking about some stuff recently and I know what I'm going to do. It's just if I type it onto here it will make me feel better.
I've recently started thinking about...you know..with Sam. Which for me in a way is strange not as in like "Ew" strange just. A nice strange I guess. Cause I never thought about it when I was with Danny or Lewis at all. And I was with one for a year and the other for two. But I've been with Sam for a grand total of 5 months on the 10th.
There's times I really really want to with him, but I wait myself out I don't know why. Maybe because I want to be 18, not that I'm basing it around an age, but I just don't want to be one of those people who loose it at at a young age. Don't get me wrong I'm curious. Just, I dunno it's strange to explain.
But with Sam it's different. I feel more safe aroung him and more relaxed. I feel I can really trust him and that he's not like any of the others. He really isn't, and I know he will treat me right always, as I will with him.
But then Aileen goes and asks me to go with her to get a C-Card. And I thought about getting one too, but then I don't really need one cause I don't think I'm fully ready yet. Sure I've told Sam about what I think. But at the moment, I want to wait a bit longer, to be with him longer. But I would get some just to make sure and be on the safe side and there's nothing wrong with that, is there?
I mean, just cause you have some doesn't mean you have to use them. You're just been smart and safe. But if I have some stashed at the bottom of my bed in a box, it would tempt me more, and more and I feel if I did it, I would be just doing it ob impulse and because I have them. I wouldn't be doing it out of love or anything like that.
I just feel that I need to be with him longer, it's nothing to do with him, it's just me :) but I'm happy about that. I'm hapy and proud that I'm still a virgin and it doesn't make me sad or anything. You know? I'm happy I waited :) I'm really happy.
I can always get them, it's not like there dissapearing any time soon, are they? Ha! Aileen can get some but I'll just go with her. Tbh, I think it scares me a little. I would get paranoid about being pregnant or something and I don't want that at all. Or what if I did and our relationship fizzled out and died down a bit? And wasn't the same as it was before? That's why I want to be with him for a bit longer before any of that. Idk...
Just nerves and over thinking and me I guess. Hopefully one day I'll get past that and see, because I don't see it as fucking I know it sounds sad and cliche but it's love. That's what it is, and that's what I want from it. :)
Started college btw...it's wank.
